When we most need to listen it’s easy to prioritise being right

There he was, talking to his elderly Mother about her project to sort out her slides and photos. She was placing them in piles so that slides were all over the floor. He was imagining a different process, with a little more organisation.

I watched them talk it over and heard voices climb in volume and pitch. Each had a strong opinion about the task and each seemed intent on making sure the other understood.

I read something yesterday about communication when a sentence caught my eye: “Remember, your conversation is about strengthening the relationship, not winning the argument”. I immediately recalled the conversation I’d witnessed about the slides.

How would that conversation have been different if Mother and Son had each chosen to prioritise the relationship rather than being right? I imagine there would have been less talking, more listening, more smiles, less need to justify and to be right. Maybe someone would even have changed their mind!

How would our communication with our stakeholders be different if we remembered that our task is to build and strengthen relationships rather than be right?

Similarly, how would our communication with our stakeholders be different if we remembered that our task is to build and strengthen relationships rather than be right? Organisations employ countless comms graduates to “get the message right”. It seems the unspoken assumption is that if only our communications are good enough we will win the argument, maybe avoid an argument in the first place.

Sometimes it even works. But there are times when trust is low, when emotions are high, when stakeholders feel we are running roughshod over them and when we feel they are being unreasonable, even rude. In these moments our instincts might just get in the way. The more besieged we feel the more likely we are to want to stand our ground, spell out our position and why ‘you’ need to understand ‘us’. In other words, we prioritise being right over building relationships.

And we know how that goes.

We always have a choice. The next time someone disagrees with how you are sorting your slides, remember that you can either seek to be proven right (if only to yourself) or you can seek to build a relationship. One feels good, while the other is usually a smarter move.

What choice will you make?